Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey'. Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay pedestrians'. Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted 'Pedestrians' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?' 'Just water,' says the priest. The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?' The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.' The other guy responds proudly, 'Yes, that I am!' The first guy says, 'So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?' The other guy answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am.' The first guy responds, 'Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?' The other guy says, 'A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.' The first guy says, Faith & it's a small world, so did I! So did I!! And to what school would you have been going?' The other guy answers, 'Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course.' The first guy gets really excited and says, And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?' The other g! uy answers, 'Well, now, let's see, I graduate d in 1964. ' The first guy exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self.' About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight!!!!' Vicky asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?' 'The Murphy twins are drunk again.