Looks like she just needs something to bring her back to that marriage. You are both lonely when you are together. But think twice before you do anything. Try whatever is in your power, be romantic , take her out , buy a flowers for her or so. But if you leave once, leave FOREVER. If "forever" scared you, you two should try so save your marriage. But I kind of understand you. I am sorry if bringing my own life in your story is not ok to you , but it might help: I am in same relationship since I was 16 and I am 25 now. I saw that relationship same way you see your now: pointless torturing. He enjoyed, but I didn't so I left 3 years ago or so. I started new relationship, feeling free , happy , going out, you know. But I never felt so close to anyone else so I got back in same relationship. Relationships and marriages like ours are not good, but it's like home, you always feel empty when you leave. I still feel same, I have million excuse for not having sex , my biggest wish is to feel true love , I need right guy and I know that my boyfriend is not the one. BUT I know what happens when you leave. You might find a new girlfriend, smarter , prettier , younger , richer ... whatever. But you might feel empty without her. My advice is: try to control your behavior. You can keep fantasying about your ex, I fantasy about that "the one" who probably doesn't exist on this world, but it's just a fantasy. We are humans , maybe we always want something better. But what if our wrong partners are where we belong? Leave her AFTER you try everything so you can be sure you will never regret. You are in worse position than I am, because you have kids involved so, please, think twice. But if she is not thinking... You know what you have to do. Good luck and God bless you, I hope you will find your place under this sky :) Over 6 000 000 000 of us is living on Earth , if one is wrong - she is wrong, you will find what you deserve.

Thank you both for your responses. Yes, I have mentioned counselling and the reasons why I want us to seek it (minus the feelings about the ex-girlfriend, of course) and she says that I should go alone. I was horrified by that comment. If I were put in that position, I would jump at counseling knowing that it was necessary. Just having THAT conversation is all the proof that one needs to know that counselling is necessary. In all honestly, I feel that she is taking the easy road. We both have good incomes and I think she likes her lifestyle too much to jeopardize it by ending this marriage. I don't believe that she is really in love with me. I think she loves me like a friend or a brother. I know she respects me and likes me as a father. I have a great relationship with our kids and she has said so many times. But when it comes to that "husband/wife" type of love, I don't think it exists. Her initiating sex is like a chore she has to do and it became obvious over time. In my heart, I can't stay in a relationship where there isn't mutual love. If I ultimately leave in January or February, I will leave assuming that the ex-girlfriend couldn't care less about me and I am on my own. In some ways, it's better to be alone than with someone who doesn't truly love you. I know that I will bring up the topic of counselling again and I hope it causes her to react in a way where it tells me she wants to fix this but if not, I don't see what more I can do. It's tough to fall out of love with someone and I admit that I feel guilty for growing cold towards her. Thank you for your comments. It feels great to just unload this burden for even just a few minutes.

nice to see an honest post.

Dear Anon, Ask yourself would you end your marriage anyway, even if your ex never showed up, divorced or so. Did you try to talk with your wife about how you feel about your marriage. Maybe you could save your marriage if you try to remember what attracted you to your wife and made you fall in love with her. Jut tell her how you feel (without ex girlfriend part) and let her reaction help you decide. She might ignore or try hard to save your marriage. If she try to get you back , I believe that she deserves a 2nd chance. But if you want to end your marriage anyway, do it for yourself , not for anyone else, especially never take other girl as an excuse. 3rd person in relationship might be disappointing and maybe you would never like her again if you marriage was fine. Starting point is your marriage and you can move to 2nd step (thinking about any other person) after you realize what do you want to do with you marriage. I am sorry that there is no more comments on your confession , but looks like people here are more interested in incest , pedophilia and other kind of desires that damage feelings of subjects of their "love". Good luck