Ugh. I'm married and 60, and deeply, incurably, totally in love with my best friend. He's 20, a beautiful, sweet, sincere soul. Things are stressful in my marriage, and I know we cannot have a sexual relationship at this point. I'm toying with thoughts of leaving her for him, but I don't want him to feel guuilty. I avoid sexual thoughts about him, but we are so close, so deeply loving tlwards each other. He is my hero in every way. We have saved each others' lives. Later this month, he is facing a crisis, and I have promised to fly to be with him if things do not go well. He is undemanding. We had been close fore many years before meeting in real life, 7 months ago. It was so wonderful for us both. And no, nothing untoward happened. It was so great, to see how proud he is of me, showing me off to his world with such joy. Don't make me feel guilty about his age: his first boyfriend is a year older than me. What sucks is that he is dating a guy who is cruel and spiteful to him. And things at home here have degenerated into sadness and loneliness and endless fights. I have citizenship of both his country and mine. I don't want him stuck with an 80 year old, in 20 years' time. I want to hold him intimately, kiss him, have us make love together, laugh with him, wake up to his gentle, reserved wit, and his incredible sense of honour. My family would think I'm crazy. In any case, I have to decide if I can rescue what is left of my marriage. If not, I'm on the plane. He is a godly person, and so beautiful, that I began to faint when we met. I can still smell hisa hair, see the freckle on his slender neck. It's not that I'm after his incredible body, but that I feel incomplete without him. Every night, online, I kiss him goodnight, and tell him I love him. Ugh, now I'm crying. Sorry, sorry. I don't want to betray or inconvenince anyone.