I've Given Up On My Father...
Posted Nov 27, 2012 by anonymous | 351 views | 2 comments
My father has repatedly said that I'd understand him when I was his age, that I'd want to apologize to him and that I better hope that he's still alive to apologize to. He doesn't realize how repugnant an idea it is that I would think like him. I pray to whomever might watch over humanity that I never understand that man. He is viciously afraid of blame. So much so, that he commonly includes people in his problems so that he point the finger at them if things go wrong. My father's the kind of guy who'd lean over to his wife, ask her how he takes his burger and then tell the waitress, it's his wife's fault when the burger comes out wrong. That actually happened. He's the type of guy who would wake his child up to stay on the phone and act as a go-between between him and Computer Support, so that he can blame that child for explaining it wrong when he can't find what the technican is telling him to find. And the man has stamina when it comes to yelling. He was screaming at my mother for a full 45 minutes the other night at 3 in the morning. In his long-winded rant, he threatened to knock my mother unconscious, he threatened to throw her out of a second story window. He then, in the same breath, called her evil, said she was "always on his case," and said that he "saved her life and she should be grateful." About seven years ago, my mother had a heart-attack and yes, he did drive her to the hospital. He also admitted that he was trying to get the doctors to mark her as "mentally unstable" because he was afraid my mother would tell them that he was abusive. I'm going to save some money up and I will move away, far away. My children will never know my father and if my mother doesn't leave him, my children will never know her either.
Commented Nov 29, 2012 by anonymous
I'm sorry your dad is such a piece a work. He's a lot like my wife's dad. You're right. You're never going to understand him, unless you lose your marbles. My wife basically had to give up on her dad, too, not expose herself too much to his continuous abuse. She did get it down to the occasional phone call, but when he started going off on the phone, she'd just sweetly say, "Goodbye" and that was that. She didn't put up with it. There are some other family members that are even worse, and she basically had to give up on them, completely. She wrote them a letter, told them specifically what behaviors were not acceptable, that she still loved them anyway, but that she would not contact them ever again. There isn't too much you can do about what family you're born into, but at least you can choose your friends and extended family. You're not going to change your dad. He is how he is. I think you are wise to protect your children. Your mother is actually going to be the heart-breaker here. She may well stick with your dad and you have no control over that. If you're going to make the break, I would recommend that you be very open with her and give her all your love, leave it to her, respect her wishes, no matter how irrational they may seem. Best of luck in a difficult situation. You may need some relationship counseling to help you through this so you're not all alone, but maybe you can do it on your own. Don't be afraid to reach out, though. This is hard stuff, it really is.
Commented Nov 28, 2012 by anonymous
It is very sad thing that your father is no more.