It's been a year this month that we've been broken up. I've had two relationships since then, one very promising, that lasted six months. It still holds no comparison to the love that I shared with you. My first love. The love that lasted three years. Since I was 16 years old. I'm 20 now. I've grown up more in the past year than I did in the three years that we were together. I realized that real love can't be found in just anyone. What I had with you was so real. I didn't value our love. I took you for granted. I cheated not once, but four times. I was young. I thought the grass was greener. I thought you would never leave me. It should have been expected that a year ago this month, I found out that you were cheating on me with some girl I knew from high school. I still remember the day so clearly. I read the text that she had sent to you. The name of your guy friend was in place of her name on your contacts list. That night you forced me out of your home. Literally pushed me out the door. The place that I called home, our home, for two years. Granted I threw a drawer at your head. I really didn't mean for it to hit you. I just threw it and there you were on the ground. Maybe that's why you led me on for three solid months after. Telling me that you still loved me and we could work on rebuilding our relationship. You came to visit, we would have sex, and then you would leave. Leaving me with hope that we would overcome this obstacle. Leaving me thinking that she was just a casual, sexual, fling. I asked you repeatedly if you two were together. You lied for three months. I had to ask her myself. That day I called you hysterical. Asking you, "Why did you lie to me? What does she have that I don't? Please don't leave me, I can't go on without you." I wanted to die. I downed five 100mg sleeping pills with a bottle of beer before my mom came home. You called her to check on me. My heart was racing as I lay on the couch. I was too drowsy to get up. I couldn't even walk a straight line. She asked if I was okay and I managed to say yes. Not wanting her to know how weak I felt in that exact moment. It was weird though. On the couch, at the lowest I had ever felt, I had a realization. I couldn't make you love me. I couldn't make you stay. I couldn't make you leave her. I HAD TO GO ON. There was no other option for me. I decided that I had to stop calling you everyday, texting you everyday, and obsessing over you. It took me a good two months I would say, but I finally got over the pain. Now, a year later, you're still with the girl. I call you every once in a while to see how you are. You've told me that you still love me. You fucked up big time. I was the girl you wanted to marry. You tell me that she's crazy. You're unhappy with her. You never ask for me back though. Which is good because I would never in a million years dream of being back with you. You're right, you fucked up big time. You broke my heart. You stabbed it. You stepped on it. You chopped it up into little pieces and smeared the remaining bits into the hot asphalt. Despite the minor, year long glitch in my young adult life, I'm happier than ever. I realize now that I don't need love with a man to be happy. Most young women dream of that time when they fall completely in love, they meet the man of their dreams, and they live together in absolute bliss. I've already had that. I've experienced it at a very young age and I realize exactly what I need now. I need my friends, my family, my happiness, and my surroundings. Independence is what I seek. Life, light, and enlightenment are my ultimate love. I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you found within yourself what you truly want in life. If not, I hope you found it in her.