A friend and I went to a club. We were talking and dancing with these two guys for like half an hour at the most. Then we walked around for a bit and the one I had been with, left becoz he was too drunk or something along those lines. We'll call him John (seeing as I don't remember anything about him except for the fact he was in dress pants and a vest). We just wanted to dance with who ever and drink whatever so we found other guys all night. We never stayed with anyone for long . We did this all night till the club closed. It was SUPER cold out and we were both in skimpy club outfits. I was calling a cab when my friend ran off around the corner. I hung up and went to call her when she came running back and told me she found a ride. I was wasted and I figured she found a cab so I followed her. She jumped into this big pick up truck. There were 3 guys in it. John, and two of his friends. My friend was already cuddled up with one of the guys so I jumped in the truck too. Ironically, I turned to one of our friends before I got in and said "If either of us get raped or go missing, remember this truck.". Annyyywaaayyys, they said they lived in the same area as us and that itd be no problem to drive us home. The second I sat down, John passed me a bottle. He was drunker than he was earlier, yet he was driving. I asked what it was and the guy in the front laughed and said it's perfect for blondes. I took it as a joke and swigged some. I think it was vodka but it didn't taste right. John and the guy in the front were drinking out of a different bottle. My friend and the guy sitting with us were macking out at this point. He had her shirt on the floor and they were leaning against me. Getting super creeped out that my friend was getting felt up on my lap, I moved so I was leaning between the guys up front and took another swig. The guy in the passenger seat dared me to take off my shirt (Good ol' jr high styled dares..) I looked back at my friend whose pants had magically fallen off and figured what the hell. I took my shirt off and took another swig. The guy macking out with my friend stopped, felt my back, un hooked my bra and then went back to kissing her. Honestly, I remember laughing and not caring. I remember thinking I'm drunk, young, with cool people so once again; what the hell! I remember John telling me to take a shot. So I leaned in front of him (while he was still drunk and driving) and kissed him, then took another shot. After that I don't really remember the conversation. Everyone was having a good time. We then pulled up to an appartment building. I recognized it becoz it was close to my house. I turned to tell my friend to get dressed and she already was. I awkwardly put my shirt back on and jumped out of the car, falling flat on my ass. John jumped out and helped me up. We went to go inside to Johns place to continue drinking when I noticed I didnt have my purse. Like the gentleman he was being all night, he told everyone to go upstairs and that he'd help me. At this point I realized I couldn't walk. He held onto me till we got to the truck. I sat down becoz I was light headed. I saw my purse and went to grab it when John grabbed my hand and started to kiss me. I was turned on so I kissed him back. I grabbed his shirt and started unbuttoning it. Then I started to feel like I was falling so I told him to stop, that I was going to be sick and laid down. That's all I remember. The rest was filled in from my friend. She told the guy she was with to check on us. He came back alughing and said finally he's getting some. He said I was giving John head. She stumbled out to check on us, (she didnt believe him) and my limp body was laying there as he thrusted into my mouth. At first she didn't realize what she saw so she ran back inside, thinking she was interupting. Half an hour later she came back outside and saw he was keeping me propped up as he had sex with my unconscious body. She knocked on the window and he said "five more minutes". She ran back inside, grabbed her purse and came back down stairs. At this point he had finished. He opened the door and said we were done cuddling, laughed and went inside. My face was smeered with make up, my tights were around my ankles and one boot was on and the other was outside the truck. She basically dressed me and dragged me to the nearest mcdonalds and called a cab to drive us home. I was soaking wet from falling in the snow. The people at mcdonalds wanted to call an ambulance but my friend panicked and said I had just drank too much. A couple of days later she told me what happened. I had no memory of it but something in me changed, even when I woke up the next day. I had this uncontrollable need to take back control over my body. Before that night, I had had sex with two guys. Both long term boyfriends. But after that night, sex didn't mean love. It was an act of who had control over who. That very week, I had sex with four other guys. I was aggressive and nothing that I did with any of those guys, could be considered romantic or loving... This happened six months ago and I've had sex with 13 guys all together. I have two boyfriends and three fuck buddies at the very moment. The numbers are always rising. I don't consider what happened as rape. I don't think that 'John' was a bad guy. I don't blame anyone that night, including myself. But yet I'm desperately trying to find that feeling of control I used to have.