Okay, here goes. I am a 49 yo SWM, 6' 173lbs. I am in excellent health and have actually been told by most people I encounter that I look at least 8-10 years younger (Clean living. A low fat diet, No excessive drinking, no smoking cigarettes and NO DRUGS!). Yet, I have always feared intimacy. As much as I crave it. As much as I want it, it also repels me. Consequently, I must confess to having never done it! That's right, people, I AM A 49 year old Virgin! And I would not lie about a thing like that. I had only one actual relationship with a woman, and that ended 15 years ago when Bush's Father was President. I told this woman about my inexperience, but it did not register with her (Even though she was a Doctor). And on the last night I saw her, she was begging me to stay the night. I told her that I could not since I had to get up early and go to work. In reality, I was SCARED because it was going to happen. I chickened out, and was subsequently unsuccessful in contacting her. so I never saw her again, and this woman effectively dumped me. For a Doctor she was not perceptive enough to realize that I was scared due to my inexperience. Since that time, I had a few more dates with women, but scared them off since I appeared rather rigid and wary. And throughout my life, especially when I was younger I either avoided women, ignored them or just pretended they did not exist. You see, I have had the unpleasant experience of having encountered women who were very nasty-arrogant, insensitive and downright vicious. So, I have largely avoided women out of fear. Not so much fear of rejection, as being treated like s**t. Yeah, I spoke to psychologists and even a psychiatrist about this, but those people can't help me. I have concluded that the only person who can help me with this is myself. And frankly, I wonder if I can. And I refuse to pay a whore for sex. I only did that once in my life, back in 1984. I was on leave from the Army and paid this hooker 50 bucks to go down on me. All I did was waste my money, as I could not get it up and did not like it! It was also impersonal as hell. Also, my one and only girlfriend the Doctor attempted to give me a handjob a couple of times, and on both occasions I could not get it up. I have been trying to come up for a reason or reasons as to why I have never engaged in Sexual Intercourse: Fear of women, fear of intimacy, fear of not being able to satisfy her, fear of being controlled by her, fear of contracting a social disease from a supposedly clean woman? Fear of being faced with an unwanted pregnancy (No protection is 100% effective). I also wonder if I just find sex a rather gross thing. I can't stand close up shots of a woman's vagina, for instance. And the only contact I had with a woman's vagina was when my former Girlfriend, the Doctor took my hand and put it down her pants. It felt very strange, and after she had gone home I wasted no time in washing my hands. I could not bring myself to smell it. And if you are wondering if I am religious, the answer is no! I am an agnostic and have no use for religion, period! When I was growing up, nobody in my house ever told me about the facts of life. My brothers were older and had left the house when I was 7. My Father was an alcoholic and my Mother was a strict Catholic who shoved that religion down my throat until I told her when I was in my mid twenties to stop it unless she wanted to see me again. I had no help, and I had no encouragement. And none of my friends fixed me up. In closing, I just want to add that I don't consider myself any less of a man because I have never done it. I have done my best to write in a coherent and logical manner. But when it comes to my virginity, it is not easy.