I've realised in my years of growing up, that I have commitment issues. I'm only nineteen, so how that is possible? I'm not sure, exactly. I grew up with my parents who love each other very much, they're still together and have been for 30+ years. So I'm not sure how it came to be that I can jump from one person to the next. It's something that has irked me for a very long time now. I will tell any boy that I get close to that I don't want 'love,' I'm not ready for that. But I am romantic. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, because at the same time as I don't want a serious relationship, I do. I confuse myself on a regular basis about people I like/don't like. Recently, my relationship situation is getting worse. Justin is a guy I met online, we still haven't met in person yet. But we used to skype every day until I met a guy offline and I just blocked and deleted Justin, kind of blew him off. A few months later, after the offline guy and I broke up, I messaged Justin. He was still willing to talk to me (somehow) and we got really close again. Eventually it ended up with him saying he loves me, and I'm the most amazing thing, blah blah blah. I was kind of into that at the time, and so I said it back and whatnot. Things have gone down hill a lot in a matter of weeks. I'm on OKCupid, just for fun really. My best friend and I were comparing our messaging, laughing at stupid ones, etc... And then I had a message from one guy in particular who seemed like an absolute DICK! He irritated me a lot, and looking at his profile he just seemed like he wanted a one-night stand, he's my age, nineteen. And he's got the body of a God, I'll admit. Amazingly muscular, beautiful face. Definitely one of the most attractive people I've ever spoken to. So we skype, almost every day now. His name is Kyle. I'm extremely attracted to him and we have a lot of fun skyping and what not. He only lives an hour away. I told Justin that I needed a break from him. I won't be able to see Kyle till September - due to travelling, which is unfortunate. I guess what I'm trying to confess is that I love the chase of getting someone, but once I have them, I don't want them. I don't know how to stop that, because I obviously know this hurts the other party, but somehow I manage to grow a thick scaly exterior and I just cut them loose. It's extremely harsh, and I have guilt for it later/afterwards and beforehand, but never during. Because I get increasingly irritated by them once I have them. I feel bad.