It was my first day of 5th grade; new school, new me. It was really weird to be the new one, I remember the cold wind on my face, my cheeks were red because I was shy and then I remembered I didn't ask my mother what classroom I was in. Was it A or B or C? And even if I knew the answer, how was I supposed to find the classroom? I entered the school, sort of panicking, and then I saw her. I had felt this way once in 3rd or 4th grade with a girl who came from Nicaragua, her name was Nubia and she was perfect. When she had to return to her country she came to say goodbye in my swimming class, I saw her standing against the sunlight with her blond hair and her pink lips and I knew that was what heaven looked like. This is what I felt few years later, I asked her if they knew what classroom was she in but I guess she didn't understand because she laughed. Confused, I went with other girl, she had a purple sweatshirt and a big smile and she told me "you must be new, come with me" Then she took me trough all the mass of high class spoiled boys and girls, we were first in line and she took me to my classroom. I saw the girl who laughed some time after, we started to be friends because I bought her little scented anime notebooks . I didn't really need those notebooks, I didn't even used them. I mean, I liked the smell of them like cheap perfume grandmas buy in the drugstores, but you couldn't write anything on them. They were the only way I could talk to this girl without blaming myself "It's just business" I told myself over and over again while taking $1 out of my Hello Kitty pencil case. But you can imagine she got enough money out of me to stop selling the notebooks, or maybe they were not cool anymore, so we started being friends. We ate lunch together, we laughed, we had parties to attend and movies to watch and everything was fine. One day I told her she was my best friend, she told me I wasn't her 'BFF' and for a 10 or 11 year old girl it was a big statement. That was the first time she broke my heart. We still hanged out and played but I hated the girl she called her best friend, eventually that girl got out of school and I had a new chance to make thing right and win the title of 'Best friend' and I did. After that everything fell right in place, I have never felt more loved or more protected, we held hands for everything, we hugged every second of the day and life seemed just perfect. Then it happened. We were holding hands while going up the building, two guys behind us whispered about our sexual orientation, we arrived first to the classroom. It was empty, wind blew across it because all the windows were open, we took seats next to each other and she kissed me on the cheek and made my shoulder her pillow. I was thrilled, I felt so much love and to this day I consider that my first kiss. Sometime after a new girl came in, we kissed in front of her in the girls bathroom for an important sum of money and some CDs (or at least we were telling that to ourselves). Other girls tried to kiss her, but she didn't want to. Those were the golden years of our friendship and of my love. Another year, another new girl came to school but this one wasn't a good thing for us. Thanks to her every girl in the school had her wrists checked, my friend had a little scar in hers and she had an appointment with the principal. She was depressed and mad, she did try to commit suicide but that had been a long time ago. At the end of that year she went out of our school and went to a public one. It was highschool, she got a boyfriend. We all got along, the I got a boyfriend and things were still the same. I broke up, she did as well and then she got another boyfriend. This particular boyfriend hated me, I could see it in his face and on how he acted when I was around. He kissed her, he touched her like saying 'she is mine' I felt terrible, I cried a few times but I didn't tell her. Then one day everything stopped, no messages, no mail, she was not answering her phone. It was like all of a sudden all I had of her were some old mails and texts. Then, one night a message arrived. 'I can't speak to you again. I'm sorry.' I felt betrayed, broke and angry, I blocked her phone, her messages, everything. Her boyfriend thought I was gay, in a sense he was right, I am bisexual. I lost my best friend. I lost my first kiss. All I have now are this stupid unanswered mails, read inboxes and lost cellphones. I can no longer imagine myself holding her hand or having a conversation with her, I can no longer remember her face and someday I'm not going to be able to remember her at all and, to be honest, I won't want to.