I hate life but GOD want me here
Posted Oct 1, 2011 by Joser013 | 361 views | 4 comments
Please read PLEASE I was born in La Ceiba, Honduras. I was left by my parents there with a christian family they trust to follow the American Dream by later nobody knew that I was been touch, sexually abuse at the age of 3-7 from a cousin whom was found dead in apartment in Honduras over an overdose on drugs oh and that family called me a faggot as many times as I can remember an yes they went to church and try to make me believe. I can't even know what feeling to express no child in there life should be put that no child. Growing up had hard at the age of 9 my parents wanted to reunited with me in the U.S so they paid for my trip yes walking I cross the board as well and at the age of 9 my sister and who she was 10 at the time where pointed with guns and the rest of the 15 other people so they used us for protection somewhere in the dessert in Mexico can't re-call it. That as just messed up my head my feelings for god. I remember on 8hours small boat crossing a river I was looking into the star and I told myself I am never gonna let nobody put me down but never taught coming to the U.S living with my real family was going to be living hell. I move here start school which I LOVE AMERICAN EDUCATION and everything was normal until I was 10 and half I realize I am growing in a alcoholic house. I was the only person my age my sister got closer to older sister it seems like nobody ever had time for me or I felt forgotten. I started getting my problem into food I was 75pds over weight the age of 12-14 bully in school and home and then seen things a kid at the age of 11 never seen from sexual to fights over alcohol. I even got hurt in one of them. I got so tired of everything at 14 I decided to become an Inspiration to people so I lost 75pds in a summer but I didn't realize that I was actually sick and til now struggle with eating disorder and the image of myself. at the age of 16 I was 30pds over weight so I took all my frustration and graduated because I didn't want to be like my family so I enroll in college and my dad help because I am the first one from my whole family. I turn 19 and I only been a year in college when My dad who re-married in 2007 in my graduation in which I didn't saw a family member or somebody whom told they were proud of me.. so I told that to myself. My father told he was no longer going to help me because I was an adult and he never paid me to enrolled back since then and lets not forget I am still ILLEGAL while this So I started working under the table at 19 and got promoted into a office job. WOW, I was the happiest person because I felt accomplish and my dad seem to hated me for it. I asked aren't you gonna told me your proud of me? he said I don't care is what you wanted it. I member crying every night because all I ever wanted to this day is to go back to school. Since, I could used my talent our my ability in school still with the office job I felt useless and worthless so I self medicated with alcohol and Marihuana but mostly alcohol. I remember going lonely streets driving to no stop because I wanted to roll over in my car and just die while I was intoxicated . I crash 11 times no harm with nobody or another car.. I was did things with out hurting an innocent I always knew where to roll my car but it never happen. My dad file to my sister and I to become Legal speaking to my lawyer she told I was going to leave the U.S back to Honduras from 2-10years the world felt on me and I went crazy getting more drunk and I took 10 klonopin snorted 2 along with two other substance 3 days later I was in my bed. I don't remember anything I had cigarettes burn on me someone had burn me. So I wanted chance so much but me been I llegal and where was I gonna go? the only people who I came to are my family who verbally abuse me til this day Sept 2011. I just lost hope I taught I was never gonna come back and later I know I got leave the country so I decide to drive for my last time and was convicted with a DUI I wanted scream my heart out and say I am a victim of abuse this what my family did to me. so 3 days later I am flying back to Honduras and from the age 17-19 I attempt suicide more then 15times. I didn't want to go to the land that stole my innocent I could be someone different maybe even straight . I taught I was not going to be back so I started drink there sun-sun abusing cocaine and marihuana is free like a piece of leaf. I realize that I was doing right and I found god when I send to a Jesus Camp in Cortes, Honduras. My father flew to Nicaragua where his new wife was it so I moved there my dad was only there for 2 weeks but I stayed at her house for 4 months and she drank me down sun-sun from morning to night. I gain 55pds an. on august 16, 2010 I receive a letter from the U.S letting me know my petition was approve and now that I am back my father had sole my car and I don't have a license and I am stuck owing Jail and $2,000 from back in 2009 because I was gone and I didn't know. so Now I am back and is Sept 2011 and Just got kick out from my house I am currently riding this in my house garage they don't know I am here tomorrow I be in the street and scared but you know what I have learn and am 22 years that life can only get better? why because there is now way my life can continue like that so i decide to be sober and I have been sober since summer 011 did myself and I am so proud because I feel that god has a good purpose a mean all these could happen because he wanted to have a messed up life? I might be on the street tomorrow but in ten years I could be in a cover of magazine. just an example life just unexpected so yes I am sad not gonna lie but I am growing up and this has not made me nothing but loveable person for other and support kid rights and I am against any kind of abuse. I am not religious and based on my life I refuse to be but God and Talked went I was in Jesus camp.. I told him I was not going to knock on his door but I was going to send him a nation. I do lose hope and fight with god so much he became more like a best friend but I get my anger out at him and I know I am wrong for it but I just want to do my purpose in life no I am not trying to rush thing I just want to move forward with this life.
Commented Oct 21, 2011 by anonymous
too many people have cancers and terminal illnesses who want to live people are in wheel chairs and your ungrateful ass wants to kill yourself.
Commented Oct 21, 2011 by anonymous
joser you had a hard life. you cannot blame God. your cousin raped you and pay back was his short life. all of the rest were choices you made and you have to suffer the consequences. you need to get some therapy, stop making your situation worse then expecting God or anyone else to fix it. kids get raped beaten and killed here too you could have killed someone with your wreckless behavior. God is not a genie, hes not an Atm, how would you feel if someone only was bothered with you when things were bad and needed help and when things were good they had nothing to do with you. you give them life eyes, body ears they can function perfectly but they cannot appreciate that they werent shot in mexico, but mad at God that their trip was bad when they were going somewhere they were not supposed to be. There are many who are american citizens who wish they can go to school too, your stuck with a jail bill well you did the crime. gaining weight drinking doing drugs for someone to have had such a hard beginning you sure dont seem to appreciate life. God is not your buddy, you will never be equal to him. this is life i hate it when people come over to our country and think they are owed something you have to work and follow the laws like we do you dont work you dont eat i dont have any pity on those who drink or do drugs all of that is a choice and if thats the case take all of that behavior back to your country. i dont care what you see on tv tabloids hear in music its all entertainment people are payed to act and sing about that stuff they go to thier gated communities away from the violence and volgarity they portrait. you are typing this post many americans dont have internet, phones, or homes they are in shelters, living in cars. so i have compassion for the things you could not help but you have to realize you are not that 7 year old, honduras didnt rape you your cousin did. you dont have to continue the sexual acts with men you choose to, if no one gives you recognition or praise keep doing what your doing and move on with your life you dont need an applause or an audience your reward is not being a statistic which is a homosexual, junky immigrant. Or Joser a Honduran American who has achieved many things, hes a rolemodel in his community and owns and operates his company employing people in his community. there are foreigner's who come here from asia, europe and persia no one complains about them because they have degrees they are financially capible of supporting themselves they open a business they bring jobs growth wealth only the ones from south america bring poverty, lack, violence, and take away from our ecomomy you represent your country how you are tells us that everyone there is like you so you choose alcoholic freeloading junky or trustworthy hardworking honorable citizen. no one has to do anything for you so get out there and do it for yourself try reading proverbs, ecclesiasties, read the book of job focus on the beginning of the book and the last chapter read john, acts, galations and timmothy 1&2. and let go of that baggage its useless dwelling on it go to your local mental health agency and get some help its free.
Commented Oct 1, 2011 by Joser013
these note is not about weight just taught I clear that out.
Commented Oct 1, 2011 by Joser013
Fact- speaking of over weight in my world. reality is I never been extremely fat but I have limits to my body.