So, I have this friend, well used to have. You see we met because I was in this dance for my cousin for her sweet 16. Then I made a friend that's a guy there, but after the party he was very quickly added to another girl's sweet 16 dance. He had a friend there & I never knew I'd ever feel that way about that guy I saw ever. I saw a picture on Facebook the group had posted about them &I how their dance is going. I liked it & a few minutes after I liked it the guy messeges me out of no where. I'm freaked at this point like wow This guy is cute & hot & messeges me. At the time I was in middle school & I was just learning about myself & who I was. I went all throughout middle school thinking I was Bi because of certain things that happen to me when I was younger. Well this guy messeges me & we have conversations for a few months & then he started calling me his little brother. It was just a cute nickname, but Because of my young stupidity I 'trusted' him. So I told him I was Bi & confessed that I kinda had a crush on him. After a few minutes he confessed to me he thought he was Bi too &a that he liked me as well. We just talked online for months & months & had an online relationship but of course never told anyone. Then finally this summer we decided to meet up & we met up at his house with his parents gone. We got there & it was nice to finally see each other after 1 1/2 of talking online so we went to his bedroom. It was a nice small compact room but nice. I sat on his bed thinking god I want to kiss him so I told him to sit Infront of me so he grabbed a chair & sat Infront of me. I was going to lean in but he jumped on me & started kissing me. Idk how I felt. I just kissed back but he was shaking. Badly. I asked why but he only said because he's never tried something with a guy so I guess he was just scarred. He finally asked 'do you want to take my pants off?' Of course I did & his dick was just huge. I sucked & got naked myself & as I sucked he turned me over put on a condom & lube on his cok & in my ass & fingered me. Even with a finger up my butt & a cock almost in me I wasn't turned on. I was just completely disgusted. He then out it in my ass & I squealed. I had just lost my ass virginity in a instant. My childhood was over, & I couldn't believe it. The whole time he fucked me really hard but I was turned off & just thinking about how I would be like after that. He came inside the condom & I was just glad it was over. After that I was just in lust. I pleasured him as much as I could so I could get my mind off of 'thinking' Then after the fucking I have him a blowjob & fingered his ass. IT wasn't pleasent since first he asked if He could pretend I was a girl he was in love with at the time. & when he was saying that he bursted his huge load in my mouth & I had no choice but to swollow. I was furious. After it all we talked for about 2 hours & we just got into a huge fight & promised to never speak to each other ever again. I was just ... ugh! That was during the summer after I promoted from middle school now I'm a freshman &I we go to the same school & he is datin the girl he told me he wanted me to pretend to be. Now when we see each other we pretend we don't. After what happened I can't help but pay attention to him. It hurts me to see him. It's like I can be happy but once I see him my feelings drop. I can just image his horrible body naked above me & fucking me with his huge cock. I can outline it through his pants. Daily I see him, but I know I should forget & I should live on happily as a straight guy. Did I tell you I figured out my sexuality after the whole first & last experience. Thank goodness. I'm just sad this affected me so much. Has this happened to anyone? Or is there any advice you can give me? Please help. What should I do? PS~ It also annoys me how he is dating this nice girl. She doesn't deserve him because she doesn't know what he has done. But Imm also mad a myself but now I think I'm not good for anyone. No one deserves someone who had to go through something like that to figure out who he was. Am I bad for thinking that? Help.