On the surface I am smart, capable, and girl-next-doorsy. Cute but not beautiful, funny, stylish. I just went back to school to get my master's, and am working with foster kids while still holding down a 4.0 GPA What people don't know is that I was raised by a heroin addict and severe alcoholic and abused my whole life. When I was in high school I was bullied too, so that literally everywhere I went I was abused. I couldn't get away from it. I tried to kill myself four times between the ages of 17 and 23. I landed myself in the psychiatric ward each time. I'm smart, so that got me in college and I was able to graduate even though I was in and out of the hospital so often. I would also mutilate and poison myself. Still managed to get a 3.0 GPA, work, and volunteer. When you're parents are substance abusers you learn well how to hide dysfunction and you also learn how to hustle so you don't end up homeless. Most other people my age are spoiled brats who live with mommy and daddy and have them pay for everything while I work two or three jobs and am always worried about keeping the roof over my head. The fact of the matter is I hate these weak sniveling little pussies who can't take a shit without having mommy and daddy waiting to wipe their ass. I can't believe how many people have mommy and daddy paying their bills well into their 20s and see nothing wrong with it!!! I fantasize about causing bodily harm to these entitled pricks and sometimes even running them over with my car or slipping poison into the latte's they bought with daddy's money. I hate how so many people don't try at life and get everything while others suffer and suffer. I think about killing myself all the time too, but have an awesome boyfriend I don't want to hurt. Still, I've given up on relating to others or having a happy life. I can't help but think why should I be the only one who has it hard? I admit, fantasizing about these spoiled brats suffering for once in their lives brings me a lot of joy. Yet I am loving and caring with the children I work with, and would do anything to protect them. I adore my boyfriend and try to think of ways to make him happy everyday. It's like I'm two people inside.