I am in a broken relationship and have an emotionally fucked up fiance who can't even talk about the shit that is bothering her. We have been fighting ever since we met and I'm starting to think it is beyond repair. She goes out with her boss often now and doesn't return until early in the morning...stoned and drunk. What a mess. She won't leave and I feel poison in my veins from all the heartache. I'm stuck and there is nowhere to go. No one to talk to. Every day it just gets worse. She stares blankly at the wall in front of her when she demands for answers to why our relationship has failed. I get no response. When I do, its with tears and out of anger, blaming me and changing the subject. I hate her sometimes because of how she hasn't matured since I met her. I promised I'd give her time to grow but it's killing me. The shit she's put me through has gotten me nearly killed from drinking and shooting heroin to forget. She is like a knife in my side, slowly digging deeper until it severs my spinal cord. There is no way out and I'm more than half dead. I can feel my soul leaking out of my body as I trudge on looking for a reason to get through the day. I've given up everything I hold dear to me in my life but still can't get rid of her because I change my mind so much. I have no one left to help because they all switched colleges. My best friend fucked her when we broke up for a week and I am left all to myself. I have dreams of me dying. It feels peaceful. I can't do it because of my family. I couldn't leave them with that. I have so many felonies...too many to count. They all happened because of how sad I've been ever since 2002. Tragedy strikes and all anyone can do is stand back and watch as I slowly burn alive, flesh falling from my body. I watch videos of people dying so I know what it's really like to die. I've done as much acid as John Lennon and more ecstasy than Fergie. Most of the time, I don't even see reality. I see a version of it that is true, and a whole bunch of other scenarios that could happen but do not. I've been to more psychiatrists than I'd care to mention anonymously. They all just say I am too smart for my mind. I pretend to be different people throughout the year and I assume personalities of people who have different professions. Sometimes it doesn't work but it is so satisfying when I pull it off. I feel strange around children and I don't like when they look at me. I'm pretty sure I am going to die soon. I average a 750ml of 100 proof alcohol, every day for the last 6 years. I often shit blood and I am constantly visited by demons that possess me. I want it all to just end...