i have rejected and continue to put someone on the back burner who would be awesome for me. good looking, honest, sincere, hard working, smart, just all around great guy. when i first met him i was still heart broken over my ex and it was a smart choice for me to stay single. i didnt really have feelings for him anyway. although i suspected that i probably would have if i wasnt such a pathetic heart broken mess, i wasnt truly sure and i didnt have enough feelings for him to start anything. i totally fucked this guy over. even though our fling only lasted a week or so, it was a brutal week. i felt how badly i lead him on and how fucked up i was for doing it. i just didnt have the balls to tell him that there was someone out there that i was desperately in love with who had recently ripped my heart out of my chest. now years later, i just might be over my ex. enough so to actually move on. i know that years may seem extreme but time is no match for true love. about 6 months into knowing i was free to really move on i thought of that guy that i met a while back. i considered contacting him but i kept putting it off. im scared that i wont really like him. i dont know what was going through my head back then. maybe the reason we didnt end up together was just because it wasnt there. MAYBE my ex bf had nothing to do with any of it. i dont want to reel him back in and then throw him away like a heartless bitch. i keep contemplating writing him a letter or getting up the guts to call him and hope that he will remember me, but i dont do it for the reasons i just said. Heres the 2nd part..the part that turns this into a true confession. I recently started talking to this guy who has serious instability in his life. He has a drug problem. as i have learned almost instantly, he is a pathological liar. omg cant believe im telling you this, he may even have a girlfriend. this part i find no shame in because she is a disgusting whore bag who wants him to continue to use drugs to keep him close to her. so of all the criticism i will get from this please dont include that because she deserves no loyalty or regard in life. she is an empty and selfish human being. ok moving on and back to the guy that i am into that i know i shouldnt be. i am so fucking into him. wtf is wrong with me>\!?!?!:@"@$:! I know that i couldnt end up with him. i know that he couldnt end up good for me. i know that this is a big mistake on my end and im going against everything and anything ive ever wanted by pursuing this instead of somebody like the guy in the first paragraph. why do i find him attractive? i dont know! i hate guys who lie! or so i thought! i hate guys who have low self esteem! or so i thought! is it possible that i have a connection to this person or it is pure physical attraction? is it possible that I am just insecure myself and thats all there is to it? is it possible that I actually have a connection with this person and we are talking and pursuing this for a reason??? Now I know I said I am pretty sure he has a girlfriend and I am.. but I wouldnt be talking to him if I didnt think he would leave his girl for me and I honestly do. I work and so does he and we havent had the time to invest in each other enough so for me to demand anymore of his time than I get right now. I believe that if i did i would get it. is this a mistake. wtf am i doing? i want to know your opinions. not your dumb ones. i want to know your critical, analytical, heart felt opinions on this. thank you in advance