I NEED to confess in order to get this off my chest...I have become a really awful person. And more and more I begin to feel guilty, ashamed and just downright BAD about ME! I used to be happy and nice, friendly and easy-going, until I found out that my boss was thwarting my efforts at moving up the corporate ladder at work. Then I left my job to go get more training, thinking that with more experience, I would get a better position at work. Well, that didn't happen and my life took on a downward spiral since then. Yes, I did get into the one-year higher experience training program, but in 2 months of starting I became seriously ill and was hospitalized and could not work anymore. Then they put me out of the program because I was too ill. Then when I returned to my home town I could not get the job I wanted because they said I needed to complete the one-year training. So I settled for lower, yet demanding jobs just to keep up my bills and buy medication. ...And one after the other I was laid off from jobs because my either I got ill too often or my performance was not up to par. I became bitter and angry inside asking why is this happening to me when all the while I am just trying to do what is right and live life to the fullest. I applied for jobs until I was blue. I turned to every networking colleague I knew, begging them to ask their boss to consider me for a job. Many did not answer me. Many answered but in an angered voice as if I were the neighborhood pest bothering them over and over. Many lied and kept giving me the run-around. I began to feel as if there had been a "spell" that was casted upon my life. And with this anger and frustration, I began doing all wrong. Pickpocketing things when I go inside of stores. Telling lies a LOT. I married a man who claimed he loved me but that has turned out to be a lie. I found out that he was in over 100,000 dollars of debt and could not pay his rent and was only seeking a room-mate to move in and split the rent in half so he would have less to pay. THEN I began to get even more angry and screaming and shouting when he did more things wrong and I was behaving as if a demon were in me. Today I almost got caught stealing a shirt in a store. I had no need to steal it, but in lashing out my anger at all those who have never cared to help me, or all the bag things that occurred in my life and I cannot see any way out, I just wanted to take things to feel like I can 'win' at least one game in this thing called life. I do not have a caring mom with whom I can speak to about things, nor a father, no sister nor brother, no best friend, no nothing...no one, except God. I just feel hatred for myself, this world and everything in it. However, I need to stop stealing before I am captured in a photo in one of these stores and then I am publicly shamed for this act I am carrying out. Because through all of this, I profess to be a bible-believing chrstian who prays a lot and live a life of Christ. But only I know all the evil that I do!