There is a song I recorded years ago, it's lots of people's favourite one I've done, it even made one of my friends cry. Sometimes it makes me cry but for different reasons. I have sad memories associated with it. The irony, the other rapper on the track is my ex-girlfriends brother. I went to visit her and stay with her family even though we were only seeing each other for a month, and I made one of my best songs ever with her brother, the beat was made by his friend, I could not have done it without him, he even got me to rap better (encouraged me to say it with more passion and feeling), the song would not exist without his contact and his encouragement. I got on with her whole family. I aced it. Then two days after I left she got drunk and cheated on me. It was the most unfair thing to happen to me, at the worst time, after I had just completely aced 'meeting the family'. (Even more unfair than spending two days in a Canadian immigration cell for an internet romance years before, cos at least not getting a visa and being honest with immigration about my lack of money was my own fault.) She did not want to be loved, and she tried to prove to me that she was not worth loving. She did always say she wasn't ready for a relationship. I still went out with with her for months after that, forgiveness is important to me. But I hadn't forgiven her, I had just tried and failed, the anger was always beneath the surface especially as she continued to be highly critical and demanding. The criticism and the spoiled demands, which I often failed to meet, in the shadow of her infidelity eroded my self esteem until I was a shell of the man I once was. I allowed it to happen though, I take responsibility. But my self esteem was gone, and a depression I had escaped for most of a decade came back. We split up months later. We're still friends, even though I sometimes feel she doesn't really deserve a friend like me. But she was young and I am who I am, if I can help people I generally will. There is no one I have spoken to in detail about this. I have 5000 facebook friends but only two people I can think of could I talk to about this face to face, and neither of them have been in the same city much this year. Another depressing thought. That felt really good. (And I'll probably delete it, it's more than a bit personal but truth is truth.)