Something heartbreaking has happened to me. I fell in love, over the years, with a man at work, who is married. I don't suggest anyone do such a thing to themselves but he loved me too and what is done is done. We were together when we could be and that was enough. At first he had trouble getting away from his wife, but as time went by, he found more ways to escape to be with me. We had more talks than sex, and more hugs than kisses. I truly cared for him and he for me, we did everything in our power to make sure the other was happy and treasured the time we spent together at work and away. He was unhappy at home but he had children, as do I. I understood this. We made our feelings known to one another. It was harder for him to express himself than it was for me, but when he finally said he loved me, I knew that it was from the deepest parts of his heart that he was saying this. It was pure love in the most meaningful sense of the word. He died six days ago, suddenly, of a heart attack, at home, in the middle of the night. He was only 47 years old. Too young to go like this. His wife never found out about us. I went to see him before the burial. He loved my hair, and I had cut a lock of it and taken it with me to be discreetly placed it inside the casket with him. A piece of me to go with him. I'd had dreams of one day being his forever. Now, because no one knew, and no one ever suspected, I suffer alone. I am grieving in silence. The pain is horrendous. This is something I never imagined would happen to me, to him, to us. I can't tell anyone what I am feeling because I can't let the secret out. I have thought about counseling... right now I just want this emptiness and pain to subside. I have never been lonelier in my life. I am so hollow I can barely manage to move. I know that those around me will notice the depth of my grief. I am afraid of being discovered, and tarnishing his name. I hold his shirt against my face and cry myself to sleep every night. I want to hold him just once more and tell him that I'm pregnant and going to have his child. I miss you baby.