happy people makes me sick.
Posted Oct 9, 2013 by anonymous | 334 views | 5 comments
I am 18 years old, I came from a middle class family, I study in a good university, and I have a broken family. Don't get me wrong, I try my best to be a better person than everyone else, but it's just too hard. You see, I am suffering from depression, yet my social "mask" hinders me from telling ANYONE at all. I have been depressed for almost 5 years now, and I have tried to kill myself for nth time already. Unfortunately none of them worked. My mom? I love my mom, she's practically the sole person that I care for right now, but whenever I tell her about what I feel she'll just assume that I'm making things up, and I lack attention. I just want a mom who will understand and hug me and tell me tomorrow's going to be a better day. Okay, so anyway my biological father, he sucks. He's the reason why I don't have a boyfriend, the reason why I was branded a "bitch" around boys, or made boys cry or the reason why I have trust and relationship issues and love issues and every fucking issues existed. I hate him so much, he made me realize that happiness is for lucky people only. He made me realize that in order to be happy in a relationship, you must learn how to love like a man. He made me realize that love doesn't conquer everything. I hate him. My friends? I don't know, most of the time I enjoy their company, but these past few days I feel replaced. I felt forgotten, and worst? They made me feel like that even when I'm with them. I don't really know what to do, I don't really want to try suicide right now because i don't want anymore pain, because I know I'll chicken out in the middle of doing it. I am desperate, depressed, alone, and unlovable. I am not even kidding.
Commented Oct 10, 2013 by anonymous
I can't stand bubbly people or overly happy people it fucking annoys the shit out of me it's like why the fuck are you so happy be sad god damn it.
Commented Oct 10, 2013 by anonymous
I have felt like that as well in the past. I know what you mean, when you say you feel like your friends make you feel like you have been replaced. I never addressed the issue until 3 years ago when I turned 25. I went to my family Dr and he figured I was bi-polar. I suffer and try to keep moving on but sometimes, it gets to be too much. Thankfully the current job I have allows me to see a therapist at no charge, what I suggest is that maybe at the university you study at may have a "therapist type" that you can see. If you can maybe try that.
Commented Oct 10, 2013 by anonymous
Suicide Crisis Center 1-800-SUICIDE - National Hope Network Toll-Free, 24/7 hotline for emergency suicide information 1-800-999-9999 - Covenant House 1-800-850-8078 - The Travor HelpLine - Specializing in gay and lesbian youth suicide prevention
Commented Oct 9, 2013 by anonymous
hey please don't harm yourself you are here for a reason and trust me there are a lot of people in your same situation.I say that the best way to get out of this depression is to get a hobby or something .like play video games or something that will keep your mind from these negative thoughts. you have to stay strong and dont worry shit always gets better cause trust me you cant be dpressed your whole life, it's just a stage.nothing lasts forever. hope this helps :)
Commented Oct 9, 2013 by anonymous
I'm sorry