half measures
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 74 views | 0 comments
I am a member of alcoholics anonymous, a fellowship to which i owe my life. over the past year i have managed to not take a drink one day at a time. i have accepted that i am powerless over alcohol. i have, however, taken prescription medications and benedryl. my doctor prescribed me adderall and while i was honest with him that i am an alcoholic i never expressed any concern over the effects of adderall on me. i manipulated and lied to him, and i now know that i am also an addict and powerless over all mind-altering substances. this must come first for the rest of my life. while i may have add, i cannot be medicated for it because any pill that i have that can take me from one place inside to another will become my higher power and i cannot serve two masters. i am scared to tell my sponsor and the fellowship about my use. i have thrown out the last two prescriptions (always saving 4 pills just in case - a true addict). my pride is keeping me from admitting my use and starting my sobriety time over at one day. my inner voice says do it, but it also says, maybe you can wait until next year.
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