I want to get over him, done finished kaput. I feel so badly inside because I know he has, is or will be sleeping with other women, maybe all three and I just want to be the only one. It's not a 'relationship', it's just friends with benefits or two people who use each other to feel good, although he gets the sweeter deal. Not to say he doesn't treat me right when we're together, because that's always top notch. For a person who says he's so busy all the time and who gets so much sex and lovin' from me...I just don't get it. With him, I finally felt like I was where I belonged, even just watching TV or doing dishes I finally felt like I was home. Fuck, fuck, fuck, halfway through my 30's and this is what I'm settling for, a good time with someone that I adore and who treats me so sweetly and lovingly--but only when he wants to have those times and the rest of the time I get virtually ignored and he's probably texting or chatting with other women, inviting them to dinner or movies or just having sex chat. I wish that I hadn't snooped and found this shit out, I really wish I hadn't, but now that I know and I still stay with him, I try to come to grips with it but of course, it's ripping my heart the fuck out every day. And you know what, I fucking hate facebook and the stupid whore that sends him "i-hearts" like 'good morning kiss' and whatever. FUCK. I get that she's states away, but too bad that I saw that email saying she wanted to fly up for a weekend. That's fucking nice, yep. Why am I sticking around to get my heart broken by him, again? Seriously WTF is wrong with me that I can't let him go, no matter what. And he acts like he can't let me go either, just for the record...but he always says that he doesn't want a relationship, sure why not? He gets all the cake and none of the calories. Is it just foolish hope that keeps me hanging on? And how do I stop it?