Fuck this guy over here...
Posted Nov 23, 2013 by anonymous | 424 views | 11 comments
Every time I deployed, my wife cheated on me. I convinced myself it wasn't a big deal because I was gone. I know how I felt being gone, I understood how lonely she must have felt waiting for me; I justified it for her. I spent my time forward, sending men and women into dangerous situations... and writing their parents and spouses when it went bad. My depression crept up on me slowly. I didn't notice until I had been home for almost a year and the anxiety became unbearable. My friends recognized it for me, but being a grown man I couldn't admit I couldn't cope with all the trauma; physically and mentally. Things got better when i admitted that I had PTSD, to myself. At first I lied and told people what they wanted to hear to get through the counseling. Chaplain Barnes saw me a mile away, though. He let me bullshit for a while, but he was just trying to let me slowly come gripes with the issues; instead of a dramatic change. I shifted from depression to anxiety to irritability and anger like a thin sheet of oil on the ocean. Like viewing your life through a piece of glass... the real you on the other side and you can see it; always fluid and definitely unreachable on the other side of the window. I haven't felt safe since that first time down range. I have to keep my doors and windows locked at all times. I worry in public and I have to get grocery's late at night when there aren't any people shopping. For a long time I found solace in my children and my wife helped through the anxiety... sometimes with less patience than others, but she was there none the less. The last time I came home, she was cheating again. And like always, I begged her to stay. I told her that I needed her and wanted her at my side. Like always, she agreed. But unlike always, she kept seeing the other man. A short, fat Mexican with Vitiligo, no education and a poor grasp of the english language. She thought he was great because... I will never know why, but suspect it's because he isn't broken; and I am very broken. I spent five of the last ten years gone. Deployed, training, enjoying the suck. I've briefed the Joint Chiefs of Staff, presented analysis to two sitting and one former president. I've been a part of capturing countless terrorists and insurgents. But i've lost everything else. I can't sleep. I can't connect with friends. My family is gone. I can't focus. I can't remember things... I can never remember things. I only feel safe in combat with other Soldiers. Soldiers always have someone watching their back. Even when you're sleeping, there is a guard there to make sure you're safe. I'm being medically retired now and I'm afraid; of everything. I can't be with who I love, I can't keep doing what I love and I know I'll never be safe again. When I leave the Army in a few months... I don't think I'll make it. I constantly think about blowing my brains out, but I know I never could. My mother would be crushed; my children scarred. But the thoughts keep coming and I hate it. The nightmares about what I've done come almost every night... I can't stop them either. I have no control... and no way out.
Commented Nov 25, 2013 by anonymous
My god, WTF?? Sorry my brotha. Thats just, Wow ...
Commented Nov 24, 2013 by anonymous
My wife was so kind enough to leave me a video of very guy that she has been with since I deployed, and then left a note stating this is what you were missing since you decided to leave us. I've been there brother, thank god for the people in my unit.
Commented Nov 24, 2013 by anonymous
Your useless. This man faught for us and your saying this is the shittiest story. PATHETIC!!
Commented Nov 23, 2013 by anonymous
this is the shittiest story ive read
Commented Nov 23, 2013 by anonymous
This was so heartbreaking to read. There isn't much i can say or do to help you when i have no idea who you are. But you need to realise you have a life, you need to learn to live it with the people you love, your family. You know they would be devastated if you were to ever try take your life.. That shows their love for you and shows that you are not alone. Remember you deserve a much better life than what you are going through, and it's down to you to change that. I wish you the best and hope you get the happiness you truly deserve
Commented Nov 23, 2013 by anonymous
Reading this really makes me wish that I knew you personally so I could show you that there are good people in the world unlike your whore wife especially after everything youve done smh... I wish for you someone to make you smile and forget all the wrong and bad in life and only see the good and happy. You deserve the best and dont need anything less dont kid urself or degrade urself like that. it really kills me to read your confession literally hurts my heart I just want to hug u and tell you it will all be alright. if u want it bad enough you can make it happen whatever "it" may be. suicide is no answer it hurts everyone u love scars them for life and its senseless really... try finding a doctor get on some anti depressants and some anti anxiety medications. you deserve to be happy and live ur life to the fullest. ur kids also deserve u to live your life to the fullest too - people dont think about it a lot but kids are very intuitive and pick up on subtle hints and behaviors and they become bothered by it effected by ur actions or lack thereof... Ill pray for you. Thank you for all you do for everyone.
Commented Nov 23, 2013 by anonymous
You need to go out and get some pussy. Kick your wife's ass to the curb.
Commented Nov 23, 2013 by anonymous
Hang in there brother, you're not alone in this one..You are right, youre family would be devastated and that should be enough to keep you going for now. Do what you have to do to deal with this and when you feel better, then you start doing what's right. For now, you do what's best for you. Leading from the front, hooah.
Commented Nov 23, 2013 by anonymous
Life is like that only. Need to keep going without complaining.
Commented Nov 23, 2013 by anonymous
Let me start by saying Thank you for risking your life for us to have what we have. I can not imagine what its like or what it takes to do that. I have herd allot about when men and woman come home and have a hard time. I don't blame you! you deserve to mourn over what you have been through! As for your wife you deserve much better! Cheating is very wrong. You deserve someone willing to help you through this. Although you don't see it you are safe at home. Think about your childern. I have faith that you will find someone special just for you, willing to help. Again Thanks for EVERYTHING you do for ua to be safe.
Commented Nov 23, 2013 by anonymous
My brother, I love you. I can't pretend to know how it or you feel or what your going through I hear you and appreciate your sacrifice. I don't agree with war or see it being a positive or just solution that leaves even it's survivors in hell I know you, your enemies fight for your beliefs, family's and to protect those that can't protect themselves. Its not your fault. If there is anything that you can do to undo the wrongs or guilt or lives lost it is to be there for your kids, my kids, their kids. Enough lives have been ended, if you can, don't let another, yours end too. I wish you the best, your in my heart, and you are safe, and its because of what you did and its done, at least for you. Try to live the life those that can't would have. Bry