I become 17 this Saturday, and for a start, I wanted to recap my life so far in the long run. (I thought that this would be the best place to recap...)To start, ever since I was 3, I've had a crush on a boy who was practically my cousin till I was 14. At 13 I got a webcam and a vibrator, and temptations grew from there... I really wanted to be loved, every one online said i was beautiful and wish they could be with me and protect me... I new it was all lies... and by using my gulible ness, i believd a 27 year old was 17... he's in jail now. My first boyfriend was at 13, and I always felt wrong for dating him. (Guy was a complete inconsiderate ass in the end.) I've gone out with several people in my life, weather the internet or in the real. I have never been close to my family. The only people I am closes with I think, is my grandparents, Aka; the people who really raised me. I have always hated my real dad, all because he's controlling of my life even though he's never here. Ever. I actually didn't see him for 7 years and suddenly, last fathers day, he just shows up out of no where just to say hi. My mom never actually was a part of my life till I was 14-15. When I was 15, I met a guy who I thought would love me for my under hygiene, over weight, acne filled, overall appearance, but in the end love me for my personality. Only after little under a month, I had him have sex with me. I always wanted sex from my own mental peer pressure. Just because my best friend had sex, made me think no one would ever love me. My 'first' was him, all because I wanted to feel the physicality of love. No one I've met was ever physically and mentally attracted to me more than the man I met last year. We've been dating for a little over a year now. He loves me for everything. The only thing he doesn't like, is my belly... But... I regret meeting, or becoming to be with him the way I did... I forced sex upon him after a few days of meeting him... He was so innocent... I was his first kiss... His first time... almost everything I was his first with... I wish I never did the things I did... all the things I've done online and off... If none of that was in my life, we'd be happy... Every other night, he'll have a mental break down... Just because I took everything from him... He has nothing to take from me he thinks... But... The first guy never came... So I always say The one i'm with is my first... I wish he'd accept it. He has a subconscious of hating me... I feel it... every time i'm around him... I wish he'd love me.... For real...