I'm 16, a junior in highschool and the middle child. My mom always says she doesn't pick favourites out of my siblings but unintentionally, she does. Without even noticing it... It drives me crazy. I'm the one to be there for her when she had a few beers to drink, the one who took care of her, the one who did things without hesitation... But I'm the one who is never recognized. My brother is her only son, my older sister is her first daughter and my younger sister is her baby.... And I'm just... There. I spent my life bending backwards for her, jumping through the hoops.. I get good grades, I tell her everything, I don't keep secrets.... But I feel like I have to compete for her attention. It's emotionally and mentally destroying me, I feel like if I give up now.. She'll finally notice me. Just once... I want my mom to be proud of me. Everything I do is to please her.. My older sister has 3 kids and my brother has 4.. My younger sister just started highschool so naturally all my teachers and "friends" are like "oh you should be like your sister! She's so outgoing and youre really quiet, people like you but she's better" like damn... All I want to do is die. I'm done :( im forever living in the shadows of my siblings... My bestfriend's keep telling me it'll pass... But it's been like this for years.. How pathetic does that sound? A 16 year old virgin who does everything for her mom an seemingly has the "perfect" life wants to die? Just because of jealousy? Like am I crazy for envying my siblings?? I told my mom about everything.. All the experiments I've done with drugs and alcohol and all she says is "it's good you don't do them"... I'm getting a free ride in college and making honor roll in AP classes... I should be happy... But I'm not. I just miss my grandparents... I want to be with them again. They noticed everything I did... They truly and genuinely loved me. They didn't conpare me to anybody but myself... I'd rather be with them than here... Even if that means being buried in the cemetery. Sad part is... I'm not selfish enough to do something like that to my family that I have left. Just living in misery and no way out.. Senior year though.. I'm going to a new school, that'll be the first step for me.