We met back when I was 20 years old and you were 38 in 2007, I'm now 25 going on 26 in 2013. As I sit here listening to some old R&B tracks I can't help but reflect back on what we "had" and what transpired. We both knew that it was coming to an end and things were only getting crazier. The day you told me your bullshit story about why we couldn't talk no more, I was devastated and as a man it's embarassing to admit that but it's the cold hard truth. I'm not going to say you MEANT a lot to me because you STILL do mean a lot to me and you're in my daily thoughts. It's crazy because I never thought I would ever feel this way about another human being. I was so used to just sleeping around with multiple women and doing my own thing. I'm not happy that it ended but at the same note I am because it woke me up to realize a lot of my mistakes, make corrections, pull myself together, and learn. I took the time to work on myself and I feel it was a great thing. There's days when I have such great news and important things going on in my life that I want to call you and tell you but I know you won't answer, let alone return my call. I wanted you to be there last year when I received my high school diploma but I know you wouldn't care to show up so I just left it alone. I feel like I left you with nothing but negative memories and a bad taste in your mouth but I take full responsibility for my wrong doing and drama. I'm ashamed and embarassed about the way I acted after it ended but I never been in love before so I was learning along the way. Understand this though, in no way am I trying to justify my actions and poor decisions by blaming it on never being in love before but you live and you learn. Just as I told you at Paganos after Gina's baby shower, I made a promise to myself to never put you, anyone else, or myself through that shit ever again. I have my days when I hardly think of you then again I have my days when you're on my mind and I relive a lot of time we shared together. I can't help but laugh to myself and smile at all the dumb jokes we shared, the goofy shit we used to do and say, the fun times, the times that made you love being around me, and when we were at our best.... "At Your Best"... Do you remember telling me to listen to that anytime it came on 106? I think of you everytime I hear that song. I remember being so excited when you would come over to visit, the "trips" we made to McDonalds, Chase Hotel, The Comfort Inn, The Hub, Lake Elizabeth, Lake Chabot, Ohlone, Ballys, your dental offices, Paganos, Strizzis, all the places we went together. I miss you with all my heart and I get frustrated when I try to contact you because I feel like you don't want anything to do with me. I don't expect you to make me your first priority in life because I know I am not, I don't expect you to drop everything you're doing and respond right away but at least give me the common courtesy of replying back somedays, I know you got a lot going on, and I know you don't really like me or care about me and that's ok. My intentions are to never make you feel uncomfortable or anything along those lines. I speak and make decisions from the heart, which isn't always the best thing to do but it's me being real. Maybe one day we can sit down and talk, talk about everything that happened and give me your insight... Maybe... I love you and I miss you and I know you will probably never see this but just know that. Always in my prayers. -G Drifting on a memory...3