So here's the thing. I have thought about this alot since Christmas. I'm sure you don't believe me because you probably think I have been absorbed in my own life which is probably true and if I had been thinking it I probably would have mentioned it or blogged about it since we both know I don't exactly keep things inside which is also probably true but for some reason when it comes to you things are different. This is pretty much the hardest email I have ever tried to put into words. Joe, I loved you when I was 16 years old. At that time it was a teenage infatuation or whatever you want to call it but over the years we have developed a strong friendship. I love and admire the man you have become. When I am around you and when I talk to you I smile and get excited butterflies in my stomach whether it is when I see you once a year at Christmas or when I get a random drunken text message. You are honest, you are sincere, thoughtful, hardworking, caring, funny, you are one of the most intelligent people I have ever known and you have become an unexpected constant in my life that i have realized that I don't want to be without. I don't know what I am implying here. I'd like to outright say what I want to say but I feel more than a bit impersonal typing it in an email when I just saw you two days ago and had the opportunity to tell you whatever I wanted to say face-to-face and I didn't. I wasn't sure if I was emotional that night because of the thoughts that were racing through my head or if the thoughts were making me emotional so I though it was better not to say anything. I want to share my life with you and I want to be a part of your life. Whatever that means. Or at least give it a try. Some obvious observations: We live in different states. We both know that southwestern PA isn't my favortite place but I have been thinking about that alot too. We always see eachother in 'visitor' mode so would i feel the same if we were in the same place? I don't know. I really don't know. But there is some reason why after all these years we are still in eachothers lives. You have played a huge role in the person I am today and I think you know how much your friendship means to me and I would hate to jeapordize that relationship. That is why this is the scariest email I have ever sent. But I have to. Because you never know unless you try...