I guess there are people who have lots of different reasons for hurting themselves. I was 12 when it started for me. I don't remember exactly what started it. Maybe it was because I felt lost. Maybe it was the fact my mother was a junkie at the time. I didn't really see her much, though we lived in the same house. I've never had really exceptionally nice things in my life. I grew up in a home that you only hear about in the news, or in fiction novels. I lived in foster care when I was a small child, I moved from state to state. My mom dated multiple abusive men throughout my life. My father took 11 years to finally agree to meet me, and to this day has no interest in me or my family. I won't blame them for the problem but I will say they had a part in the emotions I was feeling. My sister and I grew up with our mom on welfare, food stamps, and SSI Disability. When we were young it didn't matter. We had a home. If you wanted to call it that. Now that you have a little insight... I'll continue with: I had no structure in my life. I was so young and lost. But it was with a paring knife I stole from the kitchen drawer, that I found an outlet. I remember how much better I felt after. Some kind of release from all the sadness and the pain After the initial pain something kicked in, animal like in many ways. Enjoying the pain, the blood. I liked it. Cutting myself. Through the skin the little blade slid so easily. Thin as a razor, equally as sharp. Then it passed and I felt okay. Like life would go on, that this was now. I'd tell myself "By the time the wound has scabbed and flaked and left behind a soft pink fresh scar, whatever the problem is, by then it would be gone." Fucked up I know. I'm nearing 23 and I can tell you I got through it. I still have the thoughts, the urges but I tell myself "You won't stoop that low again" I'm alive and I may not live the best life ever. I might not have nice things, or a good family but you know what? I'm one hell of a mother, and a good person, I'm alive and it kicks ass. Even though my life has sucked and hey it's not even close to perfect now: At least I won. Life is never that bad. "This Too Shall Pass" remember that. And no, I didn't find a religion, I didn't do anything. I just thought rationally. Think it through, the pros, the cons. It's never that bad. I did it by myself. I beat it. Depression, suicide attempts, cutting. I won. I'm alive.