Please read this... i have created this world, you see. it was supposed to be a getaway for me, just a place to go whenever i fell to my pillow. it became something more, however. it first began: during another boring summer, after my fifth grade school year was over with. i was inlove with pokemon at that time. it was, and may still be, an addiction. as i look back on myself back then, i realize why i liked pokemon so much. it was a fantasy world. a place where everything was happy, and there were no cloudy skies to dampen the day. i had always longed to be part of that world. back then, i would wish for a chance to go away, to the pokemon world. until recently, i didnt notice what i really wanted when i wished my wish. i just wanted to be somewhere where i belonged, somewhere where i felt happy. somewhere where i could prove something. Pokemon was how it all began. I started to fantasize, during the days,about what life would be like if i could only go to that world. then, i would lay my head down on my pillow each night, wishing for something to happen. wishing that i could be in that world i longed for. i dont know how to tell you the story of how it all happened. i told you about how pokemon started it all, but i think i should go a bit deeper than that. i went and saw that first pokemon movie like every good pokemon fan. i saw it first at a theater, but it wasnt untill i got it on video that i had that idea. i decided to watch that movie one day that summer, when i was realy really bored. i only expected my eyes to be glued to the screen, absorbing that simple story that is pokemon. but something else happened. i began to have thoughts. just thoughts, but they were thoughts that i had never had before. im not sure how much later it happened, but it happened during that summer, or sometime in august. i layed my head down on the pillow, to do my usual fantasizing before i went to bed. something else happened though. it was as though a voice in my head had spoken to me, and it said: 'make your own story' of course i didnt know where to start with that. i had made little stories before, but they were never really my story. they came from other stories, usually movies. they were never my origional stories. the voice inside of my head responded by saying: 'Take that movie and make it your own. put you into that movie.' you should not know that i owned a pokemon game. it was a game boy color silver version of the popular pokemon game. the best version in my mind. it was the first one that i really played. i had a good team on there. i had a lugia, an umbreon,a typhlosion, a ho-oh, an espeon, and an ampharos. i had a great deal of passion for those pokemon. they were like my friends that i could never really talk to, but just their presence made me glad. its strange, because it was just a game, and i felt so compassionate for it. at the time, i beleived that something would happen; something magical, just waiting for the right moment to happen. i refused to admit that those pokemon, and that very game that i played with them on, it was all just data; just a game. i didnt want to believe that that was all that they could be, because they were all i had in the world; all i had to depend on. so, i created my own story, but its roots were with pokemon, particularly with the pokemon movie. i started my story with the movie. i, along with other trainers (including the ever famous ash that starred in the movie), were invited to an island to battle with a pokemon master. this master ended up being mewtwo. its been so long, but i still remember the basic idea that formed my vast story. i had some sort of connection to mewtwo, and when he was about to destroy the world, i tried to stop him. i got locked up, or something close to that. when he made everyone else go away with thier memories lost, i remained with my memory fully in tact. that got him (mewtwo)curious. my pokemon had some roll in it too, but i think it was just battling and stuff around that idea. but its not the point im trying to get across. my nights were filled with dreaming. glorious dreaming, the kind of dreaming that i wanted to go to bed for. they were based on the pokemon world, at first, but eventually i realized the limits of that. i started to make small additoins to my story, still afraid of leaving the pokemon part of the story. that voice though, it told me to go ahead and do what i wanted because it was my dream and it could be whatever i wanted it to be. so i followed that advice and started to create my own story. by this time, i had two close friends in my dream world. i know, you may be thinking: 'this girl is crazy. she should be making friends in the real world, not dwelling in her dreams.' well i wish you wouldnt be so quick to make those assumptions. i tried to make friends in the real world, but the kids seemed mean, and not worth the trouble of making friends with. my dream world, of which i had not named yet, was my escape. it was the place where i had friends to make me happy. yes, i had two really good friends in this world, as i was saying. one of them was named Red. just red. a simple name originating from the first pokemon game's hero character because i didnt know what else to name him. the second of my friends was named travis. he was originally mewtwo when this whole thing began, but eventally he changed to a human, due to some sort of magic or something. his name came from an account name that was on a Zelda game i bought from a used game shop. as with red, i named travis his name because i had no other name to give him. actually, i probably gave both characters multiple names, but those were the only ones that stuck with the characters. i hate to refer to them as characters. they were so much more than that. i was in love with travis, and he was in love with me. red was my best friend, to whom i could tell all of my troubles to. my dream world changed, but these two were with me until the end. then came the time of the elements. i went on an adventure and met up with many more people, including my father, sirius black, who's name came from a harry potter book i read. I must sound like a nerd, having all of these characters being named from such things, but at the time i didnt care. The pokemon world was gone from my dreams, and i no longer wished to go there. i had a better world. Adul, the world was called. and the people residing within the world were called Adulen. so many things happened after this world came to be in my mind. this world did not have to follow some one else's visions. this world was mine, and it could be whatever i wanted. my imagination was stretched to its limits to create this world. i now wished to be in adul. with travis, to live the life i dreamed of every night. i went into another school, a better one that made me enjoy life a little more. i had my first real life crush, and things were starting to look up for me. however, i still crawled into bed every night to dream my world, for some reason. had it become an obligation. no, not yet. it was still an escape for me, a place to go when i was feeling down; a place i could go to and have some one to talk to. that was what i really needed; someone to talk to. my world continued to expand over the course of three years, and my story continued to unfold. then something happened. i still wished to go away. i still wished to go away to adul and be with travis, but something echoed in the back of my mind as i wished those things. a small thought occured; a thought i tried my hardest to ignore until it grew too large to simply overlook. the thought was of the likeliness that no help would come; the thought was of how impossible my wishes were. i couldnt dream like i used to anymore. i could barely dream at all. it was as though my connection with adul was broken. i kept on getting destracted, or falling asleep before i could begin to dream. i felt guilty to everyone in that world that i had created, and i realized how big it had truly become. it was as though i was the god of the world, and if i didnt get to dream, then the world of adul would stop, and the people that i created in that world would all be dissapointed of me. it was now an obligation to me. it was an obligation to dream, not just something i did because i wasnted to. this was probably the point at which i started to stop dreaming. i couldnt dream anymore, but i still wished for travis, of all things. i at least wanted him to come to earth, if i could not come to adul to be with him. i wanted him to at least come and be with me at school. he wanted to too, but i remember him telling me: 'i'll always be with you. even if you cant see me, i am there. you can always talk to me.' but i was foolish and greedy. i wanted more than that. i said to him: 'I need more than just a spirit to talk to. i need a body. i need someone to hold me. i need someone to lean against. i need a shoulder to cry on, and most importantly, i need a voice to hear.' here is my situation now: i can no longer dream, and i can no longer wish. i cant wish to go to adul, or to have travis, and i cant dream of being with travis in adul. i have to live now, and that scares me. i used to have a sanctuary in adul, but now there is no sanctuary. i dont know if i'll be okay. Feedback?? email me: yellow_bucket@yahoo.com can anyone tell me what is happening, or does anyone have the same problems? at least, can someone help me in some way. if they can...