I know people around here have bigger confessions than this, but I just wanted to let this off my chest. - I don't like meeting new people because I have a misleading thought of them always being hostile, it's probably because I've been bullied for two years, both verbally (everyone pretending I didn't exist, snickering whenever I pass by, etc) and physically because I was an Asian. - I believe in God, but I don't go to church( I know I should, but nobody around my age likes me there, I've been to church several times, and also because I have to wake up early) and I'm afraid I might go to hell. It's stupid, I know. But if you believe in God, you don't really have to go to church to see other Christians... And I hate people who thinks Christians are so kind. I've been to a Christian camp and they mistreated me because of my race(I'm Asian, korean to be exact) -I think I might have a depression(no surprise for me) because I've been crying for no reason these days, I've lost interest in communicating with my friends or anything I used to enjoy and I think nobody cares for me. I always think about dying and how afterlife would be better than this. I don't think life is worth to live, but I'm just waiting to see if it would turn out better. - I love and hate my brother. Not in that normal sibling relationship. My brother had caused a lot of problems in the past, but he knows that. But he... touched a homestay girl whose family has a very good relationship with ours. He took her to the garage and told her that if she did this, she would mature quicker. She didn't know what she was going in to and pulled down her pants and underwear to let him touch(she was fourteen at that time while my brother was eighteen) she knew something went wrong and cried and I heard the conversation she and my sister was having. That's how I knew. I want him to atone for his crime by going to jail, but I don't want to see him get killed or severely punished. Sure, the girl was being stupid, but what about my brother? He was eighteen at that time. He made her suffer mentally. He shouldn't have even brought the subject up to her. - This year, my family's beloved dog passed away, my kind grandmother passed away. She said she always wanted to see me and I also did too. When I went to Korea, I had the chance. But my mom and sister was busy so I couldn't. I blew my chance away I think I'll always be guilty. and now my dad's diagnosed with stomach necrosis and he has to go through a surgery. This year is just full of misery. I'm going to pray for him everyday. Heck, I might even go to church. - I've always wanted to die since grade four, I even took sleeping pills at that grade, leaving a note, saying, "Don't wake me up, I'm tired. I want to sleep." I got caught by my sister though, lol. - I get so nervous that when I talk to new people, I sound like an international student. - I suffered a lot of racism, as you can see. - I want to kill people sometimes like racists, sexists, serial killers, etc. I think that the world would be better off without them, although I do know that killing doesn't solve anything. - I don't know how to make decisions of my own and always let others choose for me. -I have low self-esteem, I always say I can't do it because I suck and whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I call myself ugly, a monster, a dirty human who shouldn't have been born. Sad thing is, I believe it. I even tried to kill myself(again) by cutting my wrist and throat with scissors. Hurt like hell later and blood didn't flow like rivers, so I decided to take pills when I die(I have a due date too, if my sister marries her boyfriend[whom she meets in secret because he's fourteen years older than her], I'll die. She's the person I look up to and if she marries that guy-who I despise by the way- I would feel as if I lost the purpose to live. I know it's stupid, but I can't change how I feel) - I talk to myself. First step to insanity, I know. Never took a second step though... Yet. It's been developed since the bullying because I had no friend to talk to. -My mom's father had five wives. No wonder I had a lot of relatives. Nobody except my sister knows that I know. XD - I mistreat my friends by unleashing my rage on them and always apologize for it. I feel so guilty and sorry about that. It just comes out all of a sudden( bad moodswings, I guess) They're too kind. Someday, I want to do something really good to make it up to them. - I liked to steal when I was little(nine or ten). I want to give everything back now. Would I get caught in that fingerprint scan?! Lol, I'm so paranoid. - Sorry for my childish behaviour. I'm fifteen by the way. Everyone goes through this, "Oh, I want to die." thing. Mine started a bit early but I hope I could survive. Alone. - I don't believe in love. All they do is cause troubles and sadness. I would never get married, not that anyone would. Lol. -Thank you for creating this site, it feels kind of refreshing now that I'm done. :)