I couldn't think of a good place to put this because it encompasses everything. I've striped myself o nearly everything over the years. All that I have is my job and a bed that's held together with laundry chords. I have my life as well, but I don't want it right now. I'm bad at my job. I've been there for five years, I've been written up a hand full of times and a number of my peers have suppress me. I should quit, but the thought of makes me feel sick. It's a job I hate and I'm bad at, but it's a constant. It's a constant bad. It's a constant humilation. It's a constant paycheck. I don't much like people. I would be telling all this to a flesh and blood person if I had one to tell this all to. All my relationships have been made one-sided. I'm the guy whose a "great listener" because he doesn't offer up his own issues. So much so, that most people don't know how to handle me when I have a problem. If not all. I'm either the "good listener" or I'm pitied. I'm legally blind. 20/400 vision. I'm writing in front of a computer blown up to 800 magnification. Because of the statistic that 75% of all blind and low vision people are umemployeed, I get pity-friendship where I get spoken to as if I were a child or mentally retarded. It's hard to explain how belittling such relationship to these people because they are certain that their being nice. It comes from a good place, but it's still belittling. The few people that I know who understand where I'm coming from no longer speak to me. The fact that they won't speak to me makes me wonde, are the pity-friendships because I'm legally blind or just because of me? Am I just pitiful and they just don't want to be the people that belittle them? I dropped out of college. I was almost done, but I couldn't afford it anymore. Yes, some disabled people get free college, most of them are also very poor. I'm just kind of poor and kind of blind, so I didn't get to be one of those disabled people. I find myself in debt and I know that I'll be paying it off for the next ten to fifteen years. I just don't feel up for that. I might tomorrow, but tongiht, no. Tonight, I want to believe that I'll never go back to my job. I want to believe that I won't have to pay my student loans. I want to believe that I'm not pitied. I'll see how I feel in the morning.