I've lost myself. I remember in the beginning of high school I was a sweet kid. I had a big heart and a big crush on my first love. But over time, things didn't work out with that and I got swept up in one night stands and had failed relationships, not to mention family problems. my grades slipped and by the end of high school i wasn't going anywhere, I was angry, i was getting into drugs, and that sweet side I'd always had turned bitter. I'm 21 and still haven't finished more than a semester of college, I don't have a gf, or a car. I've lost weight from lack of income and depression. I fear for my health and on top of it i'm losing my hair as it is slightly thinning and receding. I'm out of reasons to be confident, everyone. I want so badly to get back into school and get a car and find my sweet side again. I need love and I think the lack of it has just caused that area of emotion to just shut down for me. I felt it for my best friend but she is in a long committed relationship with a guy i respect. She is amazing and I wanted the best for both of us so I broke off the friendship cause I've tried for years to move past my feelings for her, but they only seem to increase. I still miss her every day even though I fight it with resentment, hate, and negative feelings. I feel like I'm running really fast through life with a blindfold on, stumbling and getting more and more tired as I get closer to my death, whenever that may be. I don't want to die alone. I want love like the love I feel for my former best friend and I want to feel that same love returned. I want to feel that drive to make someone happy at all costs. I want bad luck to stop plaguing me, even though I recognize that i am at least 70% of the problem. Help. Don't give me advice because it isn't really human nature to take advice. I know this is something I have to overcome by myself, like a mountain climber taking on Everest. I just want to know that I'm not alone and that other people have gotten into this same rut and gotten back out of it. I want to know how things turned out for you and if you are happy, or what you might have done differently and why. This sort of thing is better than any advice because it just encourages me. I'm scared of life and I need to know that I'm not the only one. Thanks guys.