I am always getting drunk. Drunk like alcohol poisoning status. I wake up the next day and throw up and basically stuck in bed. It sucks badly. Once I have one I can't stop. I black out and cuss at people on facebook. Argue and cuss at people who call me. Scream at my next door neighbors. Teenagers walking by my house. I invite girls over to fuck just to fall asleep before they arrive. Or if they get here before I passout I fall asleep while they are riding me. Its pretty bad. I am hungover like everyday. I don't even stay in major contact with my friends or family. I'm just a drunk piece of shit. I am selfish and I have a problem. The thing is I'm only 23. I have many more years to become a drunker piece of shit. I feel trapped. I know I'm young and I feel like this is what young people do. We party. Then I realize I took it to a higher level. I have issues rightnow. I could go to AA and complain in front of a few hundred people and go back to drinking when I get home with my roomates. My roomates are drunks to. I want to grow up and get out of this cycle before its too late. I will be sacrificing my whole lively hood. I can't just move away. I can't abandon them. They are my friends. They are more then just drinking buddys. We do music together. Its a bond. I don't know how to escape the alcohol. I expect more of myself. I haven't always been this bad guy. Either way whether its in my home or not, it will be at the cornerstore. There will be bars. It will be friends homes. My familys homes. Its all around me. There is no escape. I often think about just ending this torment so I don't have to make a choice. I don't wanna stop drinking and be one of those wimps who talks like Ned Flanders living a life of mediocrity. But I dont want to be this pathetic low piece of shit I am now. Complaining on a confession site where nobody gives a fuck what I think. More then likely I will get haters telling me to kill myself then any supporters. I could give a fuck though. I'm just venting this out. I do not care if I get responses positive or negative. I just have to get this out of my mind so my insomnia can stop. I hope someone in a similar dilema reads this however just so they know they are not alone. I'll pull out of this rut. Nobody needs to worry about me.