I have Aspergers, so relationships come few and far in between. So do long term friendships. I've thought of even just having some friends be my friends with benefits; these friends I jack thinking about, that's how sexy they are. All of my friends are extremely sexy.... I'm also a teenage guy though. But I've been starting to realize that I can't stay committed to just one person when I'm in a relationship. I've found myself talking to other guys, even though I'd have my boyfriend still... So I decided that when I turn 18, I wanna be a polygamist. I'd love to be with 3 guys or so who love me and are smoking hot lol. And I bet the sex would be awesome. But I've always wanted that one person or special people that I could trust immensely, to where I can share my deepest secrets (sex-wise and in other fields) and they wouldn't judge me, or they'd even say they like the same things. I've also got a high sex drive because of my Aspergers, which my friends tell me to control, so I control it by jacking off privately. Jacking is okay for some days, but I've always wanted somebody to maybe have sex with for the first time... Someone who I can trust enough who won't take advantage of me, or share my secrets. I was so desperate for a close friendship at one point, that a guy who I believe secretly had a crush on me, I blabbed like an ass and told all my friends my observations. It got to the point where he hunted me down in gym and told me "And I'm not gay either..." And now he's a Marine and I miss him. Whenever I think of him, I think of what we could've had if I hadn't run my mouth and declined his invitation to come over my house. Being me in a small homophobic town has made me lonely, but I've also realized my true desires, which isn't bad at all. I have thought of having sex with my guy cousin, I'm so scared he'd get freaked out (he has a Kim K poster on his wall, a girl in a thong as his Twitter background....) and reject me with a homophobic reaction. He's so hot, I just want him to fuck me... All I've wanted my whole life is close friendship like in the movies, where those friends end up dating, like that new MTV show.... But I've never had close friends... Just "friends". I have girlfriends who I laugh with and talk to sometimes, but no one I can really give all of myself to... One more thing, please do not judge me for writing this post. I wrote this and have written several other posts here before. I just want to know maybe, someone who might be thinking the same things as I am. I've only told people here... My friends in real life aren't pro-incest and polygamy like I am.