Afraid to love again
Posted Mar 2, 2011 by anonymous | 122 views | 0 comments
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones...and i will try to fix you. these words are part of Coldplay's 'Fix You', a song which was used at my wedding. My husband Andy went away to Iraq three days after we were married, leaving this song etched in my heart. He died three months into his tour, struck by a roadside bomb some terrorist decided to use against a fresh detachment of soldiers. My husband was the bravest man I've ever known, with the exception of my father, who walked me down the aisle and gave me away to Andy. He was the sweetest, caring, gentle man. We wanted to have children someday, and to be frank, we talked long into the nights about the thoughts of me being pregnant while he was in Iraq. While I truly wanted this, he didn't, pleading that he wanted to hold my hand and be with and there for me every step of the way, that 'my love, you are so beautiful, and the thought of the beautiful gift you'll bring to the world...without me here...it would break my heart.' this is what he said. Now, I'll never have the chance to share my life with him again, or have any reminder of him that he wanted. It's been almost four years now. While the sharp pains of loss have come to a dull heartache... I am afraid to love again. How could I ever? So I thought until I met Michael. or rather, got in touch with Michael again. Michael is Andy's brother, our best man at our wedding. We lost touch when Michael went to Afghanistan with the army. but he's back for good this time. He is everything Andy was...but...I do have feelings for him and it's plain to see that he does for me. I'm afraid that it's some form of betrayal for me to start seeing someone again? please help?
No comments yet. Be first!