As a infant I was abandoned by my mother. I grew up my whole life in a foster home. I always wondered when I was really young what she was like. Since I had never met her I pictured her as a pretty lady that was nice and sincere like my foster mom is. As I got older my ambition and wonder about her faded. I understood I was abandoned and littered away like a piece of trash. When I was 19 I was on myspace.com and one of my biological mothers friends contacted me saying she knew who my mom was and that she wanted to meet me. I spoke on the phone with her and arranged to meet. She traveled to my city from hers along with her husband. Her husband who isn't my father spent more time talking to me and socializing than she did the night I met her. The hotel we were at was up the street from my old highschool. I asked her if she wanted to see where I went to school and she told me, "naww I just want to sit here and smoke my pot". I don't have a issue with potheads I used to do it, What made me mad was the fact that she chose it over spending any sort of time with me that day. Her husband who had cancer went with me instead. Shortly later she and her husband went back to there city and I went on with my life, still in contact with her. She asked me if I could loan her money for catfood, I said sure, and she asked for 50 dollars. I mail her 50 dollars and one night I talked to her and she was totally twacked out. She had use crystal meth. I put two and two together and figured that's where the money went. I really hate tweekers, there pathetic and some of the lowest people around. So I just gritted my teeth and decided not to speak to her. A year goes by, By then I have built up so much inner hatred it was consuming my soul and reflecting in my personality. My friends suggested that I speak to her and make amends. I finally built up the courage and I give her a call. She was very upset with me for not speaking to her. We argued a little bit but than forgave eachother. She told me her husband with cancer was close to death. One morning I get a call from her crying saying he died. She asked me if I could travel with her to his hometown where he was getting buried to comfort her. I travel with her and her new man and my grandfather, I actually had a decent time. Weeks later after returning home she complained about the bills she had. She said she had a room that was for rent. It was cheaper rent then I already payed so I figured why not. I move to her city which was a lot small than mine. She lived in a trailer and it was a really crappy one. There was all kinds of mold and roaches. It was hoarded ceiling high with boxes and trash. She never cleaned her place. It smelled of cat litter and cat waste. The room I was renting was her husbands den. It was the only one that was kept clean. It would have been fine to live in if It didn't already have tenants. Her tweeker friends stayed in the room. They smoked there dope and one was a prostitute. I had to pop muscle relaxers to force myself into a light coma so I could go to sleep while they were partying. I was so pissed off. I felt like I would have died. She had me pay an additional amount of money for a food budget. One time when she got home she got Mcdonalds for her and her new bf, she offered me food from the fridge. It was not edible. Her fridge was infested with roaches as well, every place a roach shouldn't go in they did. I planned on ordering a train ticket and told her I was leaving to go home to my city. She was drugged up and started screaming like a maniac. She's like if you go who's going to clean up all this mess? I said I can't live like this anymore if I stay here I will die. She started crying intensely, the more she cried the angrier I got. She than started yelling again, and talking trash about my foster mom. I never came so close to hitting a bitch in my life, I always did..Had I lost my temper I think I would have choked her to death. I decided the next morning I would leave without saying a word. Without her knowing I was leaving. I packed all my luggage and before leaving I saw my mother one last time, sprawled on her chair naked. She didn't have good hygiene and was hideous from the drugs. I left with the sight of her hairy body in my mind grossed out and also pissed off. I arrived home hours later. Before leaving she calls my cell phone screaming like a fool, asking me to come home. I said FUCK YOU and hung up. I tried to move on in life forgetting about it, but I was still pissed. She emailed me I told her not to contact me. She than responding with some very hateful words. Over the next couple years I had tormented her on facebook.com by saying the cruelest meanest things. I than apologize and a few days later I say evil evil stuff. It's all a game to me now. I am trying to get her to kill herself. As to as long as she's living my life see's no happiness.