3 years after chosing not to commit suicide, and still struggling
Posted Nov 6, 2014 by anonymous | 462 views | 6 comments
The 3-year anniversary of my decision to not end my life totally passed me by. What was I doing at the time? Having a complete melt-down of course. Three years of support, three years of therapy, three years spent trying to turn my life around, and right now I'm finding it so hard to be hopeful. I know I don't always feel like this, but I can't help but feel like every time I have a depressive episode or some bout of anxiety like it's a regression, like I'm failing myself. Every time this happens it's a cruel reminder that my depression is a chronic illness that no amount of medication or therapy will every fully cure. It's always a crushing realisation, and I honestly don't know how many more 'falls' I can continue to endure. I'm not sure how many more I really want to. If not for myself, then for my friends and family, I need to somehow find the strength to continue, to soldier on, to live, but I'm just barely surviving right now. How do I do this? How do I make it through tonight, let alone the 60+ years everyone wants me to?
Commented Dec 8, 2014 by anonymous
Please ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS....SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM....THINGS Will Get Better........SUICIDE Is A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM....!😊
Commented Nov 15, 2014 by anonymous
Hang in there guys. I don't know if you have pets, but if you don't, get one. The little bastards give you something to live for and have saved many lives. Also, their love is truly unconditional. My little furry surrogate children have helped through some tough stuff.
Commented Nov 6, 2014 by anonymous
Definitely not painless, quite a few ppl live from gunshot suicide attempts,best place to aim is the heart if ur using a gun tho.
Commented Nov 6, 2014 by anonymous
Anyone Heard of a shotgun.....totally painless 😊
Commented Nov 6, 2014 by anonymous
So this is for both of you, and please read to the end; This Sunday will be the 10th year anniversary, so to speak, of my brother's suicide. He would have been twenty five on Tuesday. Sunday I am going to be babysitting his friends at his grave, not his children at a two-story white-picket. Sunday I will be mourning, not celebrating and getting shitfaced with my bro Tuesday and showing up hungover, if at all, to work Wednesday. I can never see him graduate school, I will never see him get married, never welcome my nephews and nieces into this world. But this isn't about me, not even a little. I can't tell you what to live for, I can't say, "Do this, and you'll be fine!" I'm fucking plastered at 8 am, I can hardly say what to do with your life. But I am begging you, and I will go on my hands and knees if you want; Please don't harm yourself. I don't know what waits on the other side, but it can't be worth the pain you will leave behind. I don't know what has you down, but you can beat whatever the hell it is. I beg of you, keep fighting. Please, please keep swinging until you have nothing left, and find whatever your way is to keep going. You're going to have to search. And it's going to hurt. You can win, though. I may not know you, but I fucking believe in you. Just keep fighting, please.
Commented Nov 6, 2014 by anonymous
Hi, I am in the same boat as you!!! Except I tried to do it already but failed. I've been going through spells of it too, I'm back down again. I have no magical drive or advice for you, because I asked myself the same DARNED thing, I'm just barely hanging on and fighting as hard as I can, from the sound of it you are too. All i can say is just keep it up, you have to do this barely holding on until you just find it so impossible to do it any longer. And believe me you will know when, because this is not it yet, there is always worse, it's kind of like our punishment to have to hold on, also each time u don't give in depression gets weaker. You must fight until the one day you will just know it's time . But until then fighting with all you've got and barely winning if not winning, just breaking even is the only answer. It will give you the satisfaction of actually doing something. And when your day comes embrace it. But please wait for your day don't go a moment too soon, I'm not sure about when yours is, but mines when I turn 27 . Please know you aren't alone there are a lot of us out there, just know you aren't the only one hanging from the ledge . We love you. And we r trying to help get you back on the safe part of the building we r about to fall off of..