27 year old virgin.
Posted Dec 13, 2011 by anonymous | 913 views | 7 comments
It's true. Was it my fault that I was taught that I would punish damnation if I had sex before marriage? I didn't break out of the CULT until 25. But here I am. I will take some of the blame. I allowed myself to be sucked into the doctrines, the superstitious beliefs. I thought I was being pure and clean and righteous. I believed in Jesus and his atonement and the covenants I made in the temple. But it all seems so silly to me now. But now I am just a bitter agnostic, borderline atheist. I don't regret leaving, not one bit. But when you're taught that masturbation is sinful, and you are forced to confess it or else suffer guilt and "lost blessings", what are you supposed to do? I began to wonder when they said "masturbation leads to homosexuality." I had no idea how bad it was. It took me those two years of mental release to figure my shit out. I'm ready now, world, but I wonder if it's too late. My social anxiety doesn't help either. I've had it since I was 12. I guess my kind disposition put a big ass target on me, and since the bullying, hitting, and constant rumors behind my back, I've been changed in a big way. I can't help but react incredibly nervous and shaky in just about every situation that really counts. It's more than mental, it's physical. Just as my heart beats without thinking about it, my anxiety takes a life of it's own. People who don't suffer with it really have no clue how difficult it is. And now that I've graduated from that overzealous joke of a college, I've come out empty handed despite doing what I felt was right. My friends are gone, and am basically floating out into nothing. Internet dating has failed miserably. But I'll keep trying. I'll try speed dating, other social outdoor events, whatever it takes. Too bad I don't drink, I hear bars work alright for some. I'll never go to a bar. Too bad I can't afford a second degree, as I don't earn enough at the dead end job I'm at and the economy sucks. 100k in debt is pretty nasty I must say. Yes life, you've thrown me quite the curveball. I was not prepared for this. But I will never give up. All I ever wanted growing up was to have friends and to be confident, and I'm not there yet. It's a scary thing, to see yourself heading in the direction of a movie stereotype that easily attracts criticism, but here I am. I own up to it. I am a 27 year old virgin who is probably worrying too much. But it's how I feel. Thanks society.
Commented Dec 10, 2012 by anonymous
with not even reading this , i could tell your quit ughly.
Commented Dec 13, 2011 by anonymous
I didn't expect my life to become perfect. I still don't. In fact, I believe my life is going to be great, but it will take time. Leaving Mormonism was never about happiness, by the way. It was about living according to truth. Something that, ironically, Mormons often preach but don't live as each day passes them by. I clearly stated that I took some of the blame. Perhaps you missed that? I also stated I have social anxiety disorder, which is a psychological problem I openly admitted. Perhaps you missed that? I believe a lot of my problems come from being born in the church. However, I believe the responsibility to change and fix those problem is ENTIRELY MINE. I'm independent and rejected the 'order and purpose' I was given. It's just, restructuring a worldview with renewed order and purpose is not easy to do, and takes time. Sometimes, part of the process is being bitter and bitching about it. It relieves some of the built up frustration. I guess you really have no understanding of what my experience is like, so I can't really expect you to sympathize. But I will say this much, you are partially right, and partially wrong. I don't hate the church, I am just very, very angry at it. I am actually grateful for a few of the things the church offered me, but ultimately, I saw through the garbage and became disillusioned. Being honest with myself tells me that I'm just a tad bit jealous how easily so many kids slip comfortably into sexual roles, when I haven't even scratched the surface. I think 'if only..' I ranted. I confessed. I admit, it's silly to be ashamed, but now and then I just want to feel like a normal, healthy adult. It is my burden, and I'm working on it. I just wanted the world to know how I feel. As a last remark, ex-Mormons are often wonderful, educated, and understanding people. Many I know are happy and full of energy. There are some very bitter however, and understandably so. To say they 'are the worse' is a bit of an exaggeration. You act like you know several. I'm curious, what's your relationship to Mormonism? -OP
Commented Dec 13, 2011 by anonymous
Mormonism
Commented Dec 13, 2011 by anonymous
I get the feeling that this 'cult' is actually the catholic church your talking about. You can absolutely have sex before marriage if you want. And masturbation DOES NOT lead to homosexuality, how absurd is that?
Commented Dec 13, 2011 by anonymous
Don't blame the church for your psychological problems. Did your life become magically perfect once you rejected any sense of order and purpose in your life? Bitter ex-mormons are the worst because despite their pronouncements, their lives are chained to the church and how they think it caused their problems. Go ahead, prove you're not still stuck in the I-hate-the-church rut! The church wasn't your problem, it was you!
Commented Dec 13, 2011 by anonymous
Don't let your experience with a cult make you think that God's not real. There are many people taking advantage of people in the name of religion. The reason they do it is because it works. Don't feel too bad about being a virgin either. Sex is not all that it's cracked up to be.
Commented Dec 13, 2011 by anonymous
And it seems I gave myself a 'lame' rating, lol.